I'll admit it. I'm scared- not so much in a "there's a big scary monster under the bed" kind of way, but a "I don't have a job and no one wants to hire me" kind of way. I think this would all feel better if there were continually jobs opening up, but there aren't. And I have a MASSIVE amount of student loan debt and only 300 dollars to my name right now. Seriously.
I've been joking about working at Starbucks, but more and more that's looking like it's going to be a reality, as long as they'll hire me. I don't know what it pays, but I do know that they have health insurance, so at least I could have that covered.
I had a conversation with another potential employer today. I thought it went OK...wasn't an official interview or anything (I seem to be having lots of these "conversations" lately) but I felt an underlying hesitance to hire an ordained person. So if that doesn't work out, there are two church options I'm also exploring but beyond that...nothing.
Maybe I'll get a sandwich board and work in a Boston McDonald's and proclaim "Hey! I have grad degrees from Harvard AND Yale, awesome grades, am ordained female and under 30, AND NO CHURCHES WILL HIRE ME!!!!" Think that might work? Ha.
Sorry to have such down-er blog posts lately. It's really just this all consuming issue in my life at the moment, and is made harder by the fact that almost everyone else in my class who's being ordained in ECUSA has a job or is in a diocese where they help you find jobs. It's just...frustrating. I know something will happen. God wouldn't get me this far and then just kind of leave me alone and not present some opportunity for ministry (not in a fatalistic "this was meant to be or wasn't meant to be" kind of way) but it's hard to keep that ever present when no money and lots of loans to pay back loom in the very near future. Arg. I'm not filling out some of these surveys they keep sending the graduating students because I don't have a job, and it's depressing and shaming (I know I know it shouldn't be but we all have pride issues) and I just don't want to advertise at graduation "hey I can't seem to get hired and don't know what the f*** I'm doing now!" kind of thing.
And on top of this I don't think my diocese is going to make it possible for Rick to be at my ordination. Which is also hard. I want him to be there, and I think it's important for him to be there. He's part of my ministry, and can't be there for a very important point in it. Lame.
Well, back to the old exams and papers.
Oh and by the way, WTF with the 90 degree weather in Boston today? Weird. It was 81 here and is supposed to be 58 tomorrow. So strange.