Wednesday, April 26, 2006


School=stressful. Yesterday I was so stressed my entire body hurt. Luckily I'm doing better (so far) today. I'm not worried about getting stuff's just the process of doing it all that stresses me out. But the weather is nice and I'm going to get ice cream with Julia, so it's all good. Hopefully I'll be picking up the truck next week. I think I'm going to name him Clifford (like the big red dog). Seems fitting. Anyway, just thought I'd post to say hey to all three people who actually read this thing. Now I'm off to write a paper on Kurozumikyo. Hot damn.

Saturday, April 22, 2006


So spring is here...but you wouldn't know it, seeing as it's cold as crap outside. Blah. It's been a blah day, for no real reason. Well, I take that back. For a real reason. So I went and bought a truck today; I'll go pay for it on Monday, but I test drove it and everything. It's a 95 Ford Ranger. I guess I would be more excited if I felt good about buying a car. But I don't. I hate the thought that once more I'm going to have to get caught up in all of the gasoline price wars and the destruction of our environment...but I have to have one for my jobs this summer. And to move. It's really ironic that I got the truck on earth day. Crazy. But anyway I was hoping someone would go with me to get the truck, especially one of my roomates. But when I mentioned it no one was willing. And when I got b ack they were in the same places they had been before I left: in front of the TV. Now, I understand it's their Saturday and they have every right to relax, but I just feel so...outside of everything in this house. It's to the point where I'm counting down the days before I move out. I can't stand it anymore. I love the roomies, I just don't wan tto live with them. Well, most of them. There are a couple I could live with and have no problem. I'm just tired of the relentless reminders to "Wash your dishes and turn off the lights." Makes me feel like I'm 13. And the constant comments about weight and people being overweight and food obsessions and body image....AHHHHHH. It doesn't help that almost none of my roomies believe in anything. Only one of them goes to church, and surprisingly she's the one I get along with best. Which isn't to say I have anything against those who don't go to church. I just wish my roomates had some kind of belief system. They could be secular humanists and I would be fine! Just have some sort of ethical system by which to run your life! Anyone, it feels like a very oppressive environment. Only a few more weeks and then I get to be home for the summer! I can't wait until my brother comes to visit. That will be awesome. And next year I'll be living with people who I really feel like are all there for me and are real friends. I'm sorry for complaining. It's cold and rainy and has just been one of those days.

Peace ya'll

P.S. Nathan, you are the coolest brother in the world. Thank you for everything.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Thank you Ben King

I had lunch today with Ben King, chaplain for the Episcopal student group at Harvard College. Great guy. I hadn't seen him since the fall and we caught up again last week and decided to go to lunch. Aside from a great lunch and an awesome new (and free) t shirt, Ben said something that really struck me. He said "I'm socially and ethically liberal because I'm doctrinally orthodox." Now that's it, right there. I think so many people associate orthodoxy with right wing fundamentalism, and they really have nothing to do with one another, especially if you're working within a denominational framework. It's because I believe that Jesus is God's son and because I believe in the Resurrection that I believe in social justice for all people, and our mutual responsibility (and by mutual I mean both individual and societal i.e. the government) to work towards that. Which doesn't mean that believing in the resurrection is easy for me. It's not by any means, but reducing it to a mere metaphor seems to devalue everything I stand for. Ben told me I'm a closet doctrinal conservative. Ha. But I said I don't know enough about theology (yet) to be one way or another. So gimme a few years and we'll see : ) Other than that things are going well here. Hard to believe I am leaving for KY in a month. I'm excited about going home, but the amoung of work I have to get done...sheesh! I spent all day today working on my Shinto paper...which meant that I didn't go to work. I'll just put in the rest of my hours on Friday, when I have a tendency not to focus as well on school work anyway. I'm hoping to knock this Shinto paper out of the way ASAP so I can start on the other two papers I have to do. Yikes. And move outta here into a storage place, which means I have to buy the truck first. So many logistics and so little time! But it's all good. meeting here tomorrow night, so I've got to get ready for that. And pray that I can get this field ed stuff for next year worked out in the upcoming couple of weeks...I really feel called to work with that group...
Hope you're all staying sane as school comes to a close!

Peace y'all

Sunday, April 16, 2006


Alleluia!!! Christ is Risen!!!!! HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!! It's been one hell of a week...from trying to do school work and work to getting to services for the week...I don't feel that I was able to focus on Holy Week as much as I was last year on the AT, but I'm inclined to believe that that was a definite once-in-a-lifetime deal. But this year's Holy Week wasn't bad...Maundy Thursday was good. Mike preached, and I got this great idea for a sermon. Usually I don't write those things down, but this time I did. Which was good. If you want to read it, let me know and I'll send it to you. And then Good Friday was a weird mix of the solemn and the was hard to sit in church for three hours during a most glorious Friday afternoon (I actually only stayed for 2.5 because of the weather...). And then the Easter was how Easter vigils are supposed to be, with the presiding priest SHOUTING ALLELUIA!!!! None of this namby-pamby polite mumbo jumbo. Easter this morning wasn't bad...kind of flat compared to last night though. It was just so crowded at church--which is great don't get me wrong--but it all felt a little rushed. I've been having this issue lately with rished Eucharist. Every Sunday at church I end up with the same priest giving out communion. And I always feel that she's rushing it. I'm used to a much more intentional experience...I look at the person giving me communion and usually he/she puts it in my hand with intention. This particular priest seems to rush through it, like it's all about getting it to as many people as possible as quickly. And I understand that it's a big church...but people aren't going anywhere. I just hate feeling like I'm on the communion assembly line. And what makes it worse is that I'm always checking to see if I'll have her for communion, and when I move to a different part of the church the next week I still have her! And then I start to feel somewhat resentful...maybe it's ego I'm struggling with here, I'm not sure. I just don't feel that the Eucharist is something that should be rushed. I always try to be very intentional when I'm giving bread or wine to another, I guess I just hope for the same in return. Oh well. Anyway, the weather today was perfect Easter weather...reminds me of Easter weather when I was a kid. Just wish I could have been home with my family for it. But I was still gathered with my family in Christ, and ALLELUIA!!!! It feels so good to get to say that again : ) May you all have a blessed Easter season!!!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Stupid Red Sox. All I want to do is go to a game with a friend. And are the Sox making it easy? No. First of all, the tickets are expensive...23.00 just for bleacher seats!!! I can get awesome seats for my Reds for just 19.00. Bleacher seats for them are only 9. I understand Fenway is small, but come on. They sell out all of the time. So I could only find one ticket, and I needed two, so I'm hoping this Craigslist situation is going to work out. The guy is selling them for face value and a friend said he would pick them up for me, so if all goes well I will be at Fenway on Tuesday night!!!! But you never know with these Sox fans... Other than the frustrations of trying to see a baseball game around here, you can tell spring has arrived. How? My eyes are watering, my throat hurts, and I'm sneezing. Yeehaw! But the weather is glorious so I'm not complaining. It was 70 today and I busted out with the shorts. Hell yeah. And I managed to fix my own bike. I haven't been able to brake for the past 3 days, so it's been pretty treacherous riding around without brakes. But I bought some new brake shoes and tools today and fixed them all on my own, which is very gratifying. I like fixing things...there's something really nice about the whole thing. Like I feel like I've done something useful (which hasn't been the case for the rest of the night as I'm trying to get through a Virginia Woolf novel that's 400 pages for class...ugh). Anywho, that's about all I know. Maundy Thursday is tomorrow...I'll reflect on that more then. So everyone have a peaceful night, and enjoy listening to the rain (if you're in Beantown).

Peace ya'll

Monday, April 10, 2006

Holy Week

It's hard to believe that this time last year I was on the about a Holy Week. Kinda hard to follow that one up...but I have high hopes for this year. This weekend was pretty crazy. We had a party on Saturday night, which was fun, but I'm still recovering from the sheer exhaustion of putting one on and having to do all of my regular work on top of things. Haven't been able to pick up the Volf in a few days, not because I don't want to, but because when I go to bed at night I'm just exhausted and pretty much fall asleep. Hopeully I can get some reading in this week.

Went to morning prayers at Appleton chapel this morning and then service at the monastery this evening. Both were actually very good. Ben King is doing morning prayer this week. I haven't seen him since September, so I said hey. He was at service this evening too, so we're going out to lunch next week to catch up. He seems like a really cool guy. And he has an accent, which is always awesome. Anyway, the service tonight was especially good and peaceful. The weather was gorgeous, and I had just been outside reading for an hour or so...and then I went into to SSJE and the monk greeting us was so friendly. And worship was so good, especially when we sang "O Sacred Head Sore Wounded," perhaps one of my very favorite hymns, mostly because I love singing the alto part. And there we sing with no organ, so it was four part It was beautiful.

On a much more mundane level, I'm starting the search for a car. I'm going to have to go into more debt for it, but I have to have one for the summer, and as my sister's extra car's engine blew up, I'm kind of sol. So now I'm looking for a truck; I figure it will be a bit cheaper and I'll be able to do all of the moving I'm going to have to do in the next year with it. Plus it will just be cool to drive a pickup : )

Anyway, that's all here. I'm going to try and finish up some Shinto reading and then crash. Tomorrow's new student open house day, so I'm going to get the free lunch and talk to all of the newly admitted students who came to visit. Hard to believe that was me just one year ago!

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Springtime in Boston

A personal favorite of mine...I took this one on Cambridge St. as I was walking to work...I just looked up and there was this beautiful tree above my head. Awesome.

This is the most amazing bit ever. It's right after Oxford St. turns into Kirkland, and you're just walking along and if you don't look over you'll miss it, but BAM, there they are. Tons of these small flowers under the forsythia bushes. Amazing. I stand and look at it for a minute every time I pass. Isn't God's world amazing???

A tree in the yard...

Flowers in front of the business school... although things still seem a wee bit brown up here, signs of spring are turning up everywhere!!! Even at the business school...

This is what it looked like on that snow, you ask? Why yes, yes it is. Wasn't it April 4th, you might also ask? Yes, why yes it was.

Friday, April 07, 2006

It's raining...

Howdy there. Not much to report on today...just went to work this morning and ran some errands this afternoon. Worked on a paper for a class...that's about it. I did get the book The Left Hand of God by Rabbi Lerner. Hopefully that will help with some of the issues I've had with the Volf book I'm reading, although I feel a little more settled about it now than I did last night. I sincerely hope that the Lerner book will be refreshing. After a while all of this "take Christianity back from the Right" stuff starts to sound the same, which is just the nature of politics. When you have a platform, you have to go with it. But since this book is coming from a Jewish perspective, I'm hoping that will help. I came up with my reading list today for the summer, although I'm sure it will grow by leaps and bounds. Thus far the "I've read" column only has three books in it, and the "Want to Read" column has about 20. Ha. To which I need to add Jeffrey Sachs's The End of Poverty. We read his Dignity of Difference book last semester, but I actually didn't really read it. It came at a time when I was really really swamped, and it was for a class that I could afford to fall behind in a little bit, so I just let it slide. Maybe I'll get to that one as well.

Let's see, what else? Oh I was thinking about intentional communities today, and how much I would love to start one with some HDS people. Maybe just find a house like the one I'm in now, get 6 or 7 others together and form an intentional Christian community, focused on working, serving, studying, praying, and living together. After my crisis last night when I was thinking about how no church holds anyone accountable for anything, I've decided I need to seek out such a community. Not to say that I'm leaving my present church. Not at all. But to find another community as well to hold me accountable...and I think an intentional community could do that. Everyone serves the community once a week or something. It's a I emailed St. Francis House about volunteering, because I'm just trying to hold myself accountable at the moment. That really needs to change though. I can't go it alone; no one can. That's why we've got the church...

Peace ya'll

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Mental Overload

I'm still working on the Volf. Although by now a few pages of it looks like Talmud excerpts...I still think it's a good book, but I don't think he goes far enough in his requirements for us to give. I had a great conversation with Mike at church tonight about it, and when I mentioned a sermon from Duke I'd recently listened to, he said it's about checking your community. Do you have a community that holds you accountable. And I replied that's just it-the church is supposed to hold people accountable, but it doesn't!!!! I have so many questions right now about the role of the church in the world, and how to execute that role. Needless to say, I don't feel like all that great of a person of faith right now...I feel like there's so much more I could do, but I'm too attached to it. For example, how do I justify passing up the guy on the street asking me for spare change as i leave Tower Records with the Chronicles of Narnia on DVD? I don't know. I can't justify it...but i'm so caught up in this web of materialism and consumerism that sometimes it feels like I just can't get out of it. Not that I'm overly materialistic...I think I'm less so than many people I know. Only when it comes to books, movies, and music do I feel that I spend. But maybe that's moderation. But, and this is the key question, in a world of so much poverty and so much pain, is moderation enough?

I have to get some sleep and try and settle down. I'm kinda riled up from all of this thinkin'. And my sinuses and starting to hurt a bit, so it's bedtime.

Peace ya'll.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


I went to see a film today at the Div school. It was a 10 minute film made in the 1970s called "Period Piece," by Emily Culpepper. Dr. Culpepper made the film as part of her MDiv senior thesis, and to celebrate the 50th anniversary of women at HDS they showed the film and had responses and discussion. The movie, made in the 70s (1974 maybe?), explored issues of women's menstruation, showing a woman removing and inserting a tampon, and another performing a self-gynecological exam. There was an interesting mixture of people in the room...some who were older and professors during the women's lib movement (for example Mary Daly was there, as well as Elizabeth Schussler-Fiorenza), people of Dr. Culpepper's generation, and people from the Div school now. I have always considered myself to be a feminist, but as I sat in this room full of women I really wondered about where I fit into the whole scheme. Here were these women who had really struggled for the movement; they had taken radical steps to try and ensure that women would be treated equally (which is work that sometimes, I fear, will never be finished). And I have friends who are definitely into the more radical side of feminism; my friend Sarah directed to Vagina Monologues at HDS this year, for example. And I really admire her for that. But it's not for me, and I can't figure out why. At first I felt that I was betraying my feminist roots (props to my mom here). Why is it that I don't feel the need to make or even talk about menstruation in a public forum, or to take part in the Vagina Monologues (even though I will gladly attend and support it). I thought about this for hours today, and finally it dawned on me. So many people I know who are radical feminists in their actions, both young and old, are so because they felt some keen sense of disempowerment, or society's attempt to make them feel disempowered, during their lives. And that's what I don't have. I've never felt disempowered because I'm a woman. It was never and issue. Not once in my life do I remember thinking that I couldn't or shouldn't do something because I am female. Even in the realm of religion, which is where so many women feel disenfranchised, I never felt that calling God "Father" or "King" was a major problem. While most of the time now I refer to God as God, and not Him or Her, or sometimes both Father and Mother, even as a child I didn't think that "Father" in reference to God meant that the Creator was male. Never crossed my mind. I remember in college being told that I wasn't asked to do research for a professor overseas because women aren't allowed to ask certain questions of monks in Sri Lanka. That really hit me hard for a few days...I couldn't fathom that my sex had prevented me from doing something I felt I deserved to do. But even then, for some reason I got over it. It didn't mean that I couldn't go into just meant that I had to be creative. And I like a challenge :) So anyway, that's where my thoughts have been today.

That and the fact that I'm trying not to be too intense about my whole vocational path. It's just hard...I'm so excited about the prospect of going to seminary and really getting to start on the path for my vocation, that I'm afraid I'm too enthusiastic for some people. I really really really want to do an internship at my church next year, but I don't want to harass the person I'd work with too much and make him annoyed. But the passion and excitement inside of me about this whole path is like this...I don't know. Force that's driving me on. And it's amazing, but I feel like at the moment I'm at kind of a resting point while I wait for some things to fall into place before the summer hits. Maybe the Good Lord is trying to teach me patience, which God knows I need.

Oh yeah, and it snowed all morning this morning. Got soaked going to class so I just came home to work for the afternoon. Fun times. I read all of Deep River by Shusaku Endo today. If you haven't read that book, you definitely should. It's amazing (although I found his book Silence to be even more of the best books I think I've ever read). And now I'm going to study some more.

Sorry if this has seemed to ramble a thoughts tend to go on for a while sometimes...

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


Why are my Tuesdays always a bajillion times worse than my Mondays? It's been raining all day, which isn't too bad because it will make everything more green. But it's cold. And it's just a long day, with class going on all day and then doing work at night. And then I get an email tonight from this guy I was supposed to go out with tomorrow night telling me he's too exhausted and doesn't have time to date anyone and he hopes I'll understand. And I do. I seriously do. But why even start talking to me in the first place? Grr...that kind of stuff drives me nuts. On a happier note, though, I think I did pretty well on my French test. So yay there. And I finished homework early this morning, so I can read some Volf for a longer time tonight.

Had an awesome conversation tonight online with Michael Broughton. For those of you who don't know him, he was in ECF with me at WKU. Awesome guy. Funny as hell. Anyway, we were talking about the amazing sermon he's going to preach in a few weeks and he said something about the sanity of ECF. And I got to thinking about how churches really need to provide that for people...they are there to provide sanity in an insane world. And I think many churches preach that message, but they go about providing that sanity in the wrong ways. Our sanity isn't necessarily God's sanity. How do we give sanity to people? Not by providing a warm and fuzzy message to people telling them they're "in" with God and to just read more of their Bible and pray harder. It's all about loving others, in a really radical way. In an insane way even. Reaching sanity through insanity...

Peace ya'll

Monday, April 03, 2006


Four posts in one day? *gasp* I know you, my two loyal readers, will be more than excited. Hopefully some other people from facebook and the like will be interested enough to read this blog...if not, no biggie. I refuse to put a counter on here...don't want to see that the number only changes when I visit the site. Ha. Anywho...end of a Monday. Thank goodness. I can already feel the tension building in my shoulders for the week, but oh well. Not too much I can do about it except try to let it go. I have a French quiz tomorrow...I'm not really sure if I'm prepared for it or not, but I'm tired an somewhat beyond the point of comprehending anything in a foreign language. So instead I'll just read more about Shinto. Hooray! Tomorrow is my long day. How did I ever go entire days in school going to class? I even have a 2.5 hour break tomorrow and it's still an incredibly long day. Who knows...could be...ok you know it's late when I start quoting West Side Story.

On a completely different note I got an email from Sojourners today about a conference they're holding at the end of June. It sounds like it could be really interesting...all about a "New Covenant for America" or something like that. Not sure I can afford to go, though; and if I'm interning at this church I can't really take weekends off too easily. I'm also not sure how much new material there would be at the conference, or if it would be the same stuff in Wallis's book and from his class. Which, don't get me wrong, is not bad material, I've just heard it over. And over. And over. Not sure I want to pay over $200 to hear it again. But that's just me. I'm looking forward to General Convention, though. It should be interesting-I'm trying to get more young people to go to the Festival but to no avail. It will be a chance to meet new people, at the very least. Well, I'm going to get some more reading done and then hit the hay. Peace.

What I'm reading: Free of Charge; Gandhi's My Experiments with Truth; Gandhi: The Traditional Roots of Charisma; Shusaku Endo's Deep River
What I'm listening to: The Prayer Cycle (Jonathan Elias); Plans (Death Cab for Cutie)


So you would think that living in Cambridge would mean that the bookstores would carry a book that you are looking for. Right? Well, I'm here to tell you folks that it is NOT SO. I'm looking for the Gordon Fee book God's Empowering Presence. Harvard's library only has one copy of the book, and it's checked out until Friday. And I'm not going to be a jerk and request the book, because whoever has it might really need it for something. I just want to read it. So I thought what the hell, I'll buy it. So I went to the Div bookstore. And the Coop. And Harvard booksellers. Did any of them have it? Nope. Not a one. But on a better note, I did buy Volf's Free of Charge, on recommendation from Daniel. I'm excited about reading it. I started The Brothers Karamazov yet again, but I think that one is going to have to wait until the summer to digest fully. I'm hoping to read this one this week and next. Yay books! Now if I could just get focused so I could finish this Shinto midterm...


Here are some flowers to start your day with...I took this picture in front of my house last week on Thursday (the house in the picture isn't's the neighbors'). Yay spring!!!!


Welcome welcome welcome!!! So I tried this whole blog thing before, to no avail, so maybe this time around it will work. I don't really have too much in mind for what this is going to be...mostly my reflections on the day, my theological ponderings, and just some good ol' fashion fun. if there is such a thing. two shout outs for this blog: 1. jeff marcilliat gets initial responsibility for this blog's creation. He is my inspiration (for those who noticed, I know I've been switching between all lower case...I'm just too lazy to go back and change it). and 2. Daniel Greeson, sole brother and guy who keeps me from doing my homework extraordinaire. His blog is amazing, so hopefully mine will come somewhere close. Daniel, I love the typepad server, but I'm not paying 5 bucks a month. So alas, I am here where the freebie pages are. Woohoo!

Anywho...It is the start of a new week. A new chance to get everything done I need to get done. Or not (which is often the case). Next week is Holy Week, which should be especially interesting being at a new church. I'll post more tonight about my spring break and what happened, but for now I must depart and head to school. Happy Monday, everyone!!!